Mental health professionals, marriage counselors, and family therapists are clearly divided on the issue of being married and flirting. Some believe it to be a harmless outlet, while others hold firm that it detracts from a healthy marriage. What most agree on, however, is that if you are engaging in any type of behavior that would embarrass or upset your spouse, you shouldn’t be doing it. Read this guide to discover the top seven signs that your spouse may be engaging in flirtatious behavior when you’re not together.
1. Changing Appearance
If your spouse takes a sudden interest in hygiene and grooming, transforming from Grizzly Adams to a refined metrosexual before your very eyes, it might be time to take a closer look at what’s going on around you. Although it’s quite possible that he’s just bucking for a promotion at work or he’s trying to make you see him in a whole new light, it’s just as likely that he’s married and flirting.
2. Changing Passwords
Most spouses have shared online accounts for banking, and many share passwords for email and social sites. When you try to get into those accounts and find that your spouse has changed the passwords, it’s very possible that she is doing her fair share of flirting. Marriage and family therapist Katherine Hertlein believes that women tend to use the computer for flirting and/or cheating more often than men, in large part because it allows them to get their emotional needs met without ever having the leave the comfort of their home.
3. Missing Texts and Call Logs
Have you ever picked up your spouse’s phone only to discovered call logs and text archives that are mysteriously empty? When one member in a relationship engages in flirting that has escalated beyond harmless social banter, an exchange of phone numbers is the next logical step. In order to keep the flirting private, your spouse will most likely delete any trace of calls made or texts sent. Now before jumping to any conclusion it might be a good time to improve communication with your spouse. Opening the lines of communication can help clear things up and bring the truth out.
4. Lingering Looks
When a wife spends a little too much time flirting with or watching the pool boy or a husband seems enthralled by the nanny, it could just mean that one of you isn’t getting the attention you need out of the relationship. This type of flirting is very common and does not necessarily have to lead to anything deceptive or hurtful. Marriage counseling might help to put your relationship back on the right track by identifying the needs that are not being met and helping you put together a plan to rectify the situation.
5. Unanswered Phone Calls
When spouses are married and flirting, they don’t always disclose to the flirtee that they are married, and they very rarely tell their significant other about it. If your spouse doesn’t always answer your phone calls outside of work hours, of if he gets plenty of phone calls when he’s with you that he doesn’t answer, it’s quite possible that he’s engaging in a little flirtatiousness with someone he doesn’t want you to know about.
6. A Little Too Much Attention
If you ever feel left out when you and your spouse are at a social gathering and he seems to be spending most of his time talking to someone of the opposite sex, it’s pretty clear that he’s a married man flirting. If there’s a lot of laughing and touching involved, it’s inevitable. Flirting isn’t necessarily a major cause for alarm but knowing how to avoid divorce and looking out for the signs that it’s time to divorce will help you navigate the situation rationally.
7. New Hobbies and Interests
As far as married men or married women flirting, signs usually include a new hobby or interest. If a husband who has never showed an athletic bent suddenly starts training for a marathon or a previously apolitical wife joins a local politician’s campaign crew, it’s quite possible that there’s a reason for it.