What we found to be the best couples therapy exercises to create a more emotionally fulfilling relationship
Effective communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. For many couples, just learning how to communicate feelings, resolve conflicts, and share with each other is a challenging undertaking. Using a few basic couples therapy exercises for communication can do wonders to help you and your partner deal with issues and grow closer. Learning communication skills that can allow you to enjoy the marriage or relationship you have always wanted is important.
By establishing a better dialogue with your partner and learning how to share your feelings and address issues with less conflict, it will be possible to create a relationship that is healthier, more resilient, and more emotionally fulfilling.
Explore this guide
1. Active Listening
Many couples therapy exercises are based around practicing skills that will make you and your partner better listeners. Active listening is designed to not only make it easier to converse about sensitive issues but also to actually deepen your understanding and appreciation of your partner. When practicing active listening, it is important for the speaker to remain focused on a single thought or point. For the listener, concentrating on sharing their partner’s perspective while attempting to discover new insights about how he or she thinks and feels can be of great benefit.
No matter what topic is being discussed, the most important part of active listening is to do it with patience and love. Addressing how your partner feels rather than just reacting to what your partner says is necessary for effective communication. Our marriage counseling questions offer prompts for a conversation with your partner.
Try it together
Practice reflecting before responding
- Choose a small, specific situation to discuss.
- One partner describes what happened and how they felt.
- The listener summarizes what they heard and asks whether they understood.
- Switch roles before discussing solutions.
“What I heard is that you felt left out when I made the plan without asking you. Did I get that right?”
Reflect together: What did your partner understand that you had not expected?
2. Sharing Emotions Freely
Many couples therapy exercises for communication are designed to reduce conflict and create a more effective way for you and your partner to share what you are feeling. When it is impossible to discuss feelings without sparking an argument or causing a fight, working through problems and differences might also be impossible. Discussing what you need to feel safe when sharing how you both feel can be very helpful. For many couples, having a specific time or place to discuss important matters or to work on building better communication might make a difference.
Take the time to ask your partner what would make him or her feel more comfortable when sharing your feelings. Then, put these ideas into action to help ensure that your future efforts to improve your relationship are as successful as possible.
Try it together
Name a feeling and the situation behind it
- Describe one recent moment.
- Name your feeling without guessing the other person’s intention.
- Ask your partner to listen, then invite their perspective.
“I felt disappointed when our evening together was cancelled. I was looking forward to that time.”
Reflect together: Which feeling was easiest—or hardest—to say out loud?
3. Learning to Grow Closer
People change and grow over time, often in ways that are surprising or unexpected. Being in a long-term relationship can make it easy to overlook new facets and aspects of your partner’s personality. Couples who find it difficult to accept who their partner has grown into will likely have trouble communicating. Couples therapy exercises, such as learning active listening skills and sharing feelings freely, can help you develop a better sense of who your partner is.
Even the most well-meaning efforts could be doomed to failure if you are unable to understand and relate to how your partner’s interests and passions may have changed over time.
Try it together
Notice the small ways you connect
- Each person names an activity that helps them feel close.
- Choose one you both welcome.
- Agree when to make room for it.
“I feel close to you when we take a walk without our phones.”
Reflect together: What made that time feel different from ordinary logistics?
4. Using Positive Language
Couples therapy exercises can deepen your emotional bond and allow you to deal with complicated situations and problems without lashing out or arguing. Using positive language when you communicate with your partner may be the single most effective way to create a more effective emotional dialogue. It is all too easy to become frustrated, especially if your relationship has hit a rough patch. Making every effort to adopt a positive and encouraging tone during your conversations can turn what would have otherwise become a heated argument into an opportunity for real growth and progress.
Being overly critical or adopting a negative tone may be costing you many opportunities to be nurturing and supportive. This exercise, when practiced over time, can allow you and your partner to grow closer.
Try it together
Turn a complaint into a clear request
- Write down a recurring complaint.
- Describe the behavior you would like instead.
- Make the request specific enough that your partner can respond.
“Could we decide together who handles dinner before the workday ends?”
Reflect together: Was the request clear, realistic, and open to discussion?
5. Taking a Trip Together
Maintaining relationships requires a lot of hard work, which is why it is important for you and your partner to relax and unwind. Arranging a trip with your partner can provide opportunities for you to work on building good communication while having a little fun. Following the same routine or staying in the same surroundings can eventually cause a relationship to stagnate. Sharing time together in a new environment will allow you and your partner to create new memories while alleviating the stress that could be making communication far more difficult.
It’s also very common for couples to go on couples retreats where the very purpose of your trip is to improve your relationship.
Try it together
Plan a shared experience
- Choose an outing or trip that suits both people’s interests and budget.
- Agree on the practical arrangements together.
- Make room for conversation without expecting the outing to solve every problem.
“Would you enjoy a day away together, and what would make it relaxing for you?”
Reflect together: What would you like to repeat next time?
6. I Feel (Blank)
Stating your feelings in a way that is easy to understand can be a tricky undertaking. Beginning your statements with “I feel” can provide couples with a more effective way to format their thoughts while offering the listener information that is easier to grasp. This is one of many couples therapy exercises that can be used to handle delicate issues that can lead to arguments. By separating the way you feel from the actual circumstances and events being discussed, you can help your partner feel less defensive and more willing to listen.
Try it together
Connect feeling, situation, and request
- Begin with the feeling you want to communicate.
- Describe a specific event rather than a character judgment.
- Say what you would appreciate next time.
“I feel anxious when plans change at the last minute. Could we check in earlier?”
Reflect together: Did you describe your experience without assigning an intention?
Communication Exercises to Build a Lasting Relationship
Learning and applying couples therapy exercises for communication can do much to strengthen your relationship. Dealing with sensitive issues and delicate matters can be a strenuous undertaking. Tools and exercises that will allow you and your partner to better share and express yourselves can prove to be an essential part of creating a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Poor communication may be doing far more than just limiting your ability to deal with everyday problems.
Exercises that have been designed to make communication a strength rather than a liability can help ensure a longer and happier relationship. Learning how to become a better listener and practicing the skills that will allow you and your partner to grow closer makes it possible for you to enjoy a new level of understanding and appreciation for each other.
Learn more on how to avoid divorce in our Marriage Counseling Guide.