Choosing a marriage counselor can be a daunting proposition, as many factors need to be weighed up before making a choice. Marriage counselor tips can help you to make a decision that will give your relationship with your spouse the best chance of succeeding. A marriage therapist can play a vital role in healing the differences you and your spouse have and ultimately repairing the relationship. To find the best, it’s a good idea to compare as many different counselors as possible so that you get the one who is right for you and your relationship. This guide offers seven marriage counselor tips on fixing the relationship between you and your spouse.
1) Find Out Their Area of Expertise
Many different types of marriage counseling are out there, but only a select few specialists are qualified and have the experience needed to guide a couple through a tough period in their relationship. One basic tip you should follow is to do a brief research on potential marriage counselors; to find the best marriage counselor for your needs, consider criteria such as area of expertise and gender. Many marriage counselors are only equipped to handle individual cases, whereas you usually require a professional who is capable to counseling a couple. Also, the gender of the marriage therapist may play a large role in your decision. Whoever you choose, you need to make sure that both you and your spouse are comfortable with the person. Otherwise one of you will be less committed than the other. For marriage counselor, it is important to start the therapy process on a good note.
2) Stance on Marriage
An important one is, what stance the potential marriage therapist should have toward marriage. The best marriage counselor should strongly believe that no relationship is irreparable and that, with enough effort and goodwill, reconciliation is attainable. This is especially important if you want to go through marriage counseling in order to restore your relationship to what it once was. Very few people look for counseling with the intention of ending a relationship, and the role of the marriage therapist in healing your relationship is critical. One tip is that your therapist should believe that you and your spouse can rekindle your romance. The best marriage counselor is someone who is optimistic that changes can be made and a close relationship regained.
3) Easy to Talk With
A marriage therapist should be easy to talk to whenever an issue crops up. Because of the nature of counseling, it requires both parties to the marriage to be able to freely express their opinions without the fear of being condemned or put down. Counselilng requires a candid relationship between the therapist and you and your spouse. If neither or only one person feels comfortable discussing sensitive matters with the counselor, the whole process is likely to be counterproductive. It is only through talking through the difficult matters that issues can be resolved. Because of this, it is vital that the marriage counselor can make both of you feel open and willing to talk. Likewise, it is also important to find a marriage therapist who knows when to input advice and when to listen to either you or your spouse.
4) Goals Are Identified
There are many different tips, but perhaps the most important one is to make sure that all three participants—you, your spouse, and the marriage therapist—are on the same page as to the expectations of the therapy. This may need to be communicated during the first session or two in order to establish the groundwork for what is to follow. If the marriage therapist has a different point of view or desired outcome than you and your spouse have, you are likely to not receive the expertise that you desperately need. It may be the case that both you and your spouse are unsure what exactly the end game is. In this instance, the counselor can create a roadmap to guide you as you begin repairing your relationship.
5) Cost of Sessions
One of the most commonly overlooked concerns are the costs involved. Establishing the cost of attending marriage counseling will depend on what you can afford to pay. If you have virtually unlimited funds and will do anything to repair your relationship, then cost will be no object to you. However, if you are constrained by budget requirements, then it is best to find a marriage therapist who is within your price range. Depending on the marriage counselor that you go with, you may have an option to pay according to your income. If not, some counselors are willing to take whatever you can afford to give. Also, some offices may charge a fee if you miss a session, so make sure you cancel a session if you and your spouse are unable to attend it. A marriage counselor will also help you to know that your health insurance is unlikely to cover any therapy sessions taken.
Related Article: Help Your Relationship with Free Marriage Counseling
6) Personality
Another really important factor in choosing a marriage counselor is the provider’s type of personality. This will affect the outcome of what the counseling will achieve. Having a marriage therapist who can take the lead but also take a backseat when required is of utmost importance. Though you don’t necessarily need to find a counselor who has the same personality as either you or your partner, you’ll need to make sure your counselor understands exactly where you and your spouse are coming from. A clash of personalities may sometimes be counterproductive and may hasten the end of your marriage, so it is a good idea to find a marriage therapist who has a similar personality to yours and that of your spouse. One of the best tips is to figure out if the marriage counselor will be compatible with both you and your spouse from the first couple of sessions. If a connection is not really there, then it may be time to find another counselor to suit your needs.
7) Time and Occurrence
Working out a schedule of your marriage therapy sessions is one of the key marriage counselor tips for you to follow. Ideally, there should be predictability about the schedule that you and your spouse keep to. This should reflect the personal and professional lives that you each have to follow, but there should be a set time for counseling each week or two. Also, the length of the sessions is another factor to take into consideration. Meeting for too long may draw out the conversation and delve into areas that are unnecessary. On the contrary, not meeting for long enough can leave some important issues buried. Marriage counselor tips also concern the length of each session and the number of sessions, which should be worked out beforehand.
You can learn more on how to avoid divorce in our Marriage Counseling Guide.
Evidence based work is perhaps the most important issue. Both the Gottman Method and Emotionally focused therapy out perform non- science based couples therapy. The ideal length of a couples therapy session should be an hour and twenty minutes. Anything less is problematic.
Gee Kwin..I’m confused. I don’t know what meta-analysis you’ve been reading, but’s it’s common knowledge in the field that EFT ( emotionally-focused therapy and Gottman method are the evidence-based treatments available at this time.
Hi Dan, do you have a reference for that part, “Gottman Method and Emotionally focused therapy out perform non- science based couples therapy”? The meta-analyses I’ve read find no difference between therapy models. I like the Gottman Method though so I’d be interested in seeing that is was out-performing other models.
I would refer you to one of the few books John Gottman has written for clinicians that discuss’s the perils of couples therapy which is not science based. His book is called “The Marriage Clinic”. Gotman has a new book coming out later this year in a similar vein, which will address the importance of evidence and research-driven practice.
I am so glad that I came across this list. My husband and I have been really struggling in our relationship lately so we have been thinking about going to couples therapy. I think that these tips will really help us to find someone that will help us to come closer together and work through our issues, thank you for sharing! http://integrativetherapyla.com/
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My husband and I have been bickering a lot more than usual lately and we are thinking about seeing a marriage counselor. I really like what you said about finding someone who is easy to talk to. If you and your spouse don’t feel comfortable talking to a therapist, how can you expect the therapist to be able to help you?
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I like your comment about stance on marriage. This is something I haven’t thought about, but it’s actually very important. I would want to go to a therapist who believes in marriage as much as I do. Thanks for the helpful tips, I will keep them in mind. http://www.centerforrelationships.net/services